I try to understand the world … analyzing and defining all from the scene of my own life.
I’ve also read a lot of books … but in the end i’ve just stopped doing that.
I’ve realized the real answers i was looking for … i will not find into that direction.
Most probably … reality … my own reality … was the key ….
But this reality was always … difficult.
Later on i’ve understood that it was not difficult … but … karmic.
And i had so, so many karmic experiences…
It was like i was into a school where i had lots of tests day by day.
It was all so … so annoying.
I even started to hate the word karmic … not understanding why the hell i have to live such experiences.
But you see … not even for a second i could not make the connection between my desire of understanding the world i was living in … and my karmic experiences.
It was all a way of teaching me … the secrets about the illusion of the self … and i could not see that.
Time was passing and i’ve started to become dominated by the fear of having those experiences … but … still … i could not see deeper.
This karmic domination was so, so powerful … that i was actually too blind …. to see its messages.
I’ve started to be more annoyed than ever.
I felt ruined emotionally … and just hated my own life …
Until one day … when i finally understood i am actually in a prison of perceptions and all those events were taking place just for my spiritual evolution.
The meaning … was not to ruin my life … making me feel dominated by lots of negative emotions …. but … to reveal me the secrets of the illusion of the self.
And i just smiled … realizing that all i have to do is just to chance my perceptions.
Nothing more … nothing less …
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